Pain, Grief, & Joy

What is pain?

Is pain the presence of something that hurts us, or could it be the absence of joy?

I believe the latter, and I'll explain why. In my life, I have experienced much pain. However, I believe that pain is different from grief. Grief comes from losing something, or someone, that brought joy to our lives, like my Gabriel. I grieve that I won't be meeting him in 2.5 weeks like I should be. I should have been a giant pumpkin for our church's festival, but instead I didn't have a big belly to decorate. I grieve that I won't be able to celebrate is first words, his first steps, first day of school, and every other first, second, and third in his life. 

Despite my grief, I have joy. I rejoice that he won't be experiencing the pain of this world. He won't endure the mudslinging of politics, the heartbreak from women, and the all important divide between him and his Savior. He got to skip straight to home plate!!

To me, if I didn't have those things to rejoice in, I would be enduring pain. Instead, I CHOOSE to have joy, despite my sorrow, and know that the Maker who made me is the same one who made my son. He is also the same Maker who sacrificed His own only son to save this wretched world. Who better knows my heart than a Father who grieved the loss of His son?!

So when someone asks me if I'm in pain over the loss of my child, I say no, because I believe with my whole heart that pain is the absence of joy, and I take joy in the circumstances God gives me, whether I like them or not!