Why?

God, why would you do this to me? Why do teenagers get pregnant and have babies, and I'm sitting here mourning the loss of mine? We have a wonderful marriage, a home that we own, my husband has a fantastic job, and yet we still don't have a child. Why? The response I keep getting:

 "Who are you to question my sovereign will?"

Well I guess I can end this post there. That's a very definitive statement. Unfortunately, that answer brings up many more questions in our human minds. "What did I do to cause you to punish me this way?" A very wise person told me that what we sometimes perceive things as punishment when they're meant for our protection. {none of these following examples have any factual basis, they are merely to emphasize my point}

You were rejected by the cute surfer in your first semester Economics class. You lost the championship soccer game your senior year of high school, and with it your future career.  You broke your foot two days before your senior prom and had to miss it. That guy who rejected you in college? You see him on the news years later in jail for beating his girlfriend. You may be single still, but it's far better than that alternative. God protected you!  If you had won that soccer game you would have skipped past college, and never would have met that woman that was struggling with depression and just needed a friend. If you hadn't broken your foot before the prom you might never have gone to med school. 

Now here's my disclaimer. These situations could be true of some of you, but that doesn't mean that you'll be able to see those moments as positive defining moments in your life. When I looked back to that little girl sitting alone on the rug in her room, just wanting to spend time with her sister's friends, I just saw a sad little girl. What I didn't see, but see now, is that I being strengthened and prepared to relate to my high school students as they deal with the same sort of "alone" feelings. This didn't come to me spontaneously, this came from several sessions with my therapist and I praying that God would reveal the moments of hurt in my past and redeem them; to show me where He was working in my life when I didn't see it.

I have to keep reminding myself that God has only the best in store for me in the end, and that I may not understand the "why" but I have to trust that He will be there with me and will make me stronger in the process. I'll leave you with this poem by Mary Stevenson (if you've read it before, appease me and read it again keeping this whole post in mind):

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,
"You promised me Lord,
That if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during
the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one
set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most,
you have not been there for me?"

The Lord replied,
"The times when you have
seen only one set of footprints,
is when I carried you."