To Hope vs. To Wait

      Today I’m going to go in a slightly more theological direction, but it will be great (and probably very wordy, as my friend Amy puts it), so try and keep up with my ramblings! Yesterday I was in my therapy session talking about being hopeful for the future, and she dropped an awesome knowledge bomb on me! In many languages the words “hope” and “wait” have only one word. For example, to say either of these words in Spanish, you use the word “esperar”. Are you following?

      So I decided to dig a little (ok, a lot) deeper. She mentioned that it’s the same in Hebrew, and since I like to verify facts before I write them, I spent a while using Dr. Google. It was hard at first, not knowing how to read Hebrew, but I gradually got a stride and got some work done, and what I found was awesome! But let’s pause for a second (or a couple of paragraphs) so I can talk about why I was so blown away by this fact.

      When I hear the word “hope” I think of the glass being half full. When I hope for my next pregnancy each month, I am waiting expectantly and eagerly for that positive test. I am living day to day in an eager anticipation for what I have confidence will come. Why do I have this confidence? Well, that’s a whole other story, but I’ll keep it brief. I know that the Lord planted a desire in my heart to have children from a young age, and whether I have one of my own body or adopt one that He sends to me, I know I will be a mother. So I continue about my life, but I also am patient for the Lord to work in His timing.

      When I hear the word “wait” I can only think of impatience. Our modern culture, especially in America, is very NOW minded. We want what we want, when we want it. Let me repeat that. We want WHAT we want, WHEN we want it. There is a reason it is so hard to get the latest iPhone or iPad, and that’s because EVERYONE who wants one is in line to buy one. Our nation is so “me” oriented that we can’t stop and see how demanding and childish we’re being. I can’t tell you how many clips I’ve seen of Black Friday stampedes. Are we that desperate to get the things that we want that we’d be willing to trample people?? What a glass-half-empty lifestyle, always wanting something else, never being content.

      Here’s a verse I read today: “And now, Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in You.” (Psalm 39:7). The first word, “wait” is from the Hebrew “Qavah” which means “to hope, wait, and expect” and “to wait eagerly for”. That sounds like hope to me! The second word, “hope” is from a Hebrew word whose root is “Yachal”, which also means “to wait, hope, expect.” So I found it QUITE intriguing that there are two Hebrew root words that mean the exact same thing: to look forward to something eagerly. However, I also found a common theme among many analysts and bloggers online. Another meaning of the word Qavah is “to bind together like a twisted rope”, and it binds together patience and hope. Waiting is a twisted rope of patience and hope. I don’t know about you, but this is not the “wait” that I grew up with!

      Yesterday after my session I watched the first video of 10 weeks in a Beth Moore Bible study on Esther. How crazy that in the midst of this study, she offered a definition of “hope” as it relates to the Greek word in the Bible: “It is subjectively the inner, psychological sense of hope; confidence, eager anticipation, expectation, longing, or aspiration.” Even when you don’t see God working in your life, you know that He’s about to show up in a mighty way. It may not be today or tomorrow, but when He’s working unseen in your life, how much greater will it be when He makes Himself known?

      “Ok, Sarah, I’m bored. Can you please tell me what this has to do with loss and trying to get pregnant?” Why certainly! My epiphany is this: If waiting is meant to be patience and hope, then I need to look at this experience day by day and wait eagerly for the day that the Lord will give me what He has in store for me (and not be mad or angry if a cycle passes and I’m not pregnant). Instead of spending each month thinking, “Will I EVER get pregnant again? Will I ever have a successful pregnancy?” I need to focus on the fact that my Lord won’t give me a stone when I ask for bread. Nothing bad will come from me asking Him for a child over and over (in fact, He wants us to ask Him for the desires of our hearts), but I also know that He will give me what I need to be fulfilled. That means that if I need to have more time right now with my husband to develop our relationship and communication, before it’s complicated with other little lives that depend on us, then I know He won’t give me my children yet. And right now, as much as I may hurt, I know that in the end He will be glorified, and isn’t that all that really matters?