What would it be?
I heard this on the radio this morning and it really got me thinking. What would I ask? One question immediately came to mind. "God, why did you take away my baby?" As I sat and thought about it, I realized the answer wouldn't tell me what I wanted to hear. God would probably say something like "His life is better here in my care than it would have been on earth." or "I am growing you through this loss, and one day you will be reunited with him." To that I respond, "REALLY God?? That's it??" and I realize that no answer to this question would truly satisfy me.
Then I thought some more about it and realized how selfish it would be for me to ask that. First off, who am I to question God's plan for my life? Second, if I'm the only person who gets an answer to a question, wouldn't it be better served in another way?
"God, how do I rid the world of hunger?"
"God, how can we achieve world peace?"
"God, how do we reach the Muslim world for you?"
"God, when is Jesus coming back?"
It's so easy to get caught up in our own pain and suffering and miss what else is going on in the world. I am currently in the youth ministry at my church, and after our loss, one of the first things I wanted to do was to go back and continue serving. I have a fantastic community of co-leaders who may not understand my circumstances or pain, but they understand that I hurt and have been there to hug me, let me cry on their shoulders, and stand by my side and pray for me. Even my students stepped up to minister to me after our loss. It's so amazing to see how God rewards us, in a heavenly way, for our service to His kingdom.
If you could ask God one question, what would it be, and why? I'd love to see some responses in the comments if you have a moment to spare :)
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Back from a 3 week break :)
After taking a break for our vacation, I decided to let it continue until after Memorial Day. We had a great trip to the Smoky Mountains in North Carolina, and I really had time to relax and spend some quality time with my husband. Sure, some of our time was spent watching the Food Network and researching mountain bikes (James) and vintage cameras (me), but it was a great time together!!
Since returning from our vacation, I've had the opportunity to go to therapy weekly, seeing a woman who shares my faith, as well as my theology. In three weeks of talking, she has told me that i am grieving very normally, which was a huge encouragement. Now, that doesn't mean I don't have other past junk that we feel God wants me to work through, but it does mean that God has given me the opportunity to grieve in a healthy manner.
What does grief look like for you? For me, one large thing I did was to purchase this memorial necklace in honor of Gabriel. (Huge thanks to Nettles Jewelery who toiled to help me search catalogs for the perfect necklace!)
The best part about it? The two hearts are intertwined in a way that if you took away the little heart, the big heart is no longer whole. To me it's a perfect symbol of where I am right now: missing my child who is a part of me, but still having parts of my heart that are whole and ready to be consumed by some rainbow babies. In case I haven't used that term before, a rainbow baby is a take-home miracle baby after a storm (loss, infertility, etc). And a take-home baby is one that makes it successfully through the pregnancy and gets to go home to live with mommy and daddy. We're praying very hard for our rainbow baby, and I'm praying for many others to have theirs as well.
At the risk of sharing too much, I want to add that we women aren't the only ones that have our struggles. Our husbands aren't big emotionless bears. Over memorial day weekend, we spent time with James' work family, and one woman was 7-8 months pregnant, and there were two babies, 13 months and 6 months. To make matters worse, we were the only young couple with no children or children in utero. I'd encourage you ladies to be sensitive to what your husband might be going through. James had a difficult time at the beginning of this weekend (as did I) and he talked to me when he wanted to. Don't force them to talk, because it doesn't always help, and it might cause them frustration if they AREN'T hurting, because they feel like they should be hurting. Just be there for support!!!
I won't be posting as often on my blog right now because I'm busy working through things in my life, as well as searching for a job. I can't say how much it means to me to have readers who care about our story, and I really love hearing YOUR stories! Feel free to email me your story at sarah.myheartsmusings@gmail.com :)
Since returning from our vacation, I've had the opportunity to go to therapy weekly, seeing a woman who shares my faith, as well as my theology. In three weeks of talking, she has told me that i am grieving very normally, which was a huge encouragement. Now, that doesn't mean I don't have other past junk that we feel God wants me to work through, but it does mean that God has given me the opportunity to grieve in a healthy manner.
What does grief look like for you? For me, one large thing I did was to purchase this memorial necklace in honor of Gabriel. (Huge thanks to Nettles Jewelery who toiled to help me search catalogs for the perfect necklace!)
The best part about it? The two hearts are intertwined in a way that if you took away the little heart, the big heart is no longer whole. To me it's a perfect symbol of where I am right now: missing my child who is a part of me, but still having parts of my heart that are whole and ready to be consumed by some rainbow babies. In case I haven't used that term before, a rainbow baby is a take-home miracle baby after a storm (loss, infertility, etc). And a take-home baby is one that makes it successfully through the pregnancy and gets to go home to live with mommy and daddy. We're praying very hard for our rainbow baby, and I'm praying for many others to have theirs as well.
At the risk of sharing too much, I want to add that we women aren't the only ones that have our struggles. Our husbands aren't big emotionless bears. Over memorial day weekend, we spent time with James' work family, and one woman was 7-8 months pregnant, and there were two babies, 13 months and 6 months. To make matters worse, we were the only young couple with no children or children in utero. I'd encourage you ladies to be sensitive to what your husband might be going through. James had a difficult time at the beginning of this weekend (as did I) and he talked to me when he wanted to. Don't force them to talk, because it doesn't always help, and it might cause them frustration if they AREN'T hurting, because they feel like they should be hurting. Just be there for support!!!
I won't be posting as often on my blog right now because I'm busy working through things in my life, as well as searching for a job. I can't say how much it means to me to have readers who care about our story, and I really love hearing YOUR stories! Feel free to email me your story at sarah.myheartsmusings@gmail.com :)
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Guest Post Thursday: A Struggle through Pain
I meant to share this story last Wednesday, but my day got away from me (and it didn't post yesterday even though it was scheduled!! Sorry, I'll have to look into that after my vacation!). This is the story of my friend Carrie, and while I love sharing my blog with everyone, there is some slightly more adult content than normal, so I would suggest parents read through it first before letting any children (even teens) read it.
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My story starts out a bit different than most, but I feel my story should be told in its entirety to better understand my journey and who I am today.
I married my wonderful husband on September 19, 2009. He truly is the love of my life. We saved ourselves for each other and our first time being intimate was on our wedding night. We just had this gorgeous wedding full of family, friends and love and we were excited to end the evening by consummating our marriage. Sadly, that is not what happened. For almost two years of our marriage we struggled with a condition called Vaginismus. Vaginismus is a condition that causes intercourse to be impossible or extremely painful. Not only did this ruin my self esteem as a wife, but trying to conceive children was out of the question due to this condition. We went to several specialist within our area and nothing worked, but seemed to exasperate the condition. I was frustrated with my body, for not doing what God had intended it to do. Finally, in July of 2011, we found a treatment center in New York that offered a wonderful two week program and I am happy to say we are finally cured!
Six months after we were cured, the recommended wait time per our Vaginismus doctors, we decided to start trying for children. We were ecstatic when I got a positive pregnancy test on our first cycle trying! We were both so happy and finally feeling that our struggle with Vaginismus was worth it. Looking back, we were naive, but quickly told everyone and even announced on facebook when I was just 5 weeks pregnant. A week or two after discovering that I was pregnant, I just felt like something wasn’t right. I was cramping a lot so I called my OB. My first appointment wasn’t until I would be over 10 weeks along, so they went ahead and brought me in for beta blood work. My beta levels were alarming low.
They kept trying to tell me that maybe I wasn’t as far along as I thought, but I knew in my heart that I was most likely going to miscarry. I had an ultrasound shortly after that showed only a 4 week sac, instead of a six week sac that I should have had at that time. I was devastated. For almost two weeks, I endured blood tests and ultrasounds, just waiting for the final outcome. Finally, my body decided to miscarry on its own. Once again, those familiar feelings of frustration returned. Why can’t my body just be normal like everyone else’s? Everyone else seems to have sex and babies like it is no problem, whats wrong with me?
And all I could think about was my precious baby that I had lost. I felt connected to my little one from the moment I saw the positive test. The overwhelming feeling of loss was unbearable at times. Our wonderful Vaginismus doctors gave me a beautiful pin when I miscarried that said ‘Mizpah’ on it, which is Hebrew for ‘watchtower’. I named my precious baby ‘Mizpah’ after the pin and the bible verse in Genesis that states “The Lord will watch over you and me while we are apart”. I can’t wait to see my precious baby in the future, but I know for now Jesus is holding and taking care of him.
But, I slipped into a deep deep depression. I became extremely angry at God. I blocked everyone out and stopped going to church. I lashed out angrily at my husband and my loved ones. And on top of that, we are having health insurance issues and we no longer have maternity coverage, which further pushed back trying for another baby anytime soon.
I also became angry because people I thought would be there for me weren’t at all. Yet, I had people that I barely knew who came over to see me, gave me gifts, and cleaned my house. It truly was a blessing that even though the people I ‘expected’ to be there for me weren’t, God provided unexpected people to care for me.
I am still working through my emotions. I am not quite as angry, and I am slowly realizing that as much as Vaginismus and having a miscarriage are truly traumatizing and awful- the only thing that makes it worth it is knowing that I can help someone else who has endured the same awful nightmare. I think of the verse in 2 Corinthians “He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” With that being said if you are personally struggling with Vaginismus, or the aftermath of a miscarriage, feel free to visit my personal blog at http://waitingwamplers.wordpress.com. My contact information is there and I’d love to talk with you.
All of the above is to say, my husband and I have endured trials and we don’t understand the reason why- but even when I don’t believe it, I have to choose to say and believe that God is still good and He is still God. It’s okay to get angry, it’s okay to question Him- but at the end of the day I must trust Him and realize I cannot change that these things happened to me. I must move forward, as difficult as it is- and simply trust.
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My story starts out a bit different than most, but I feel my story should be told in its entirety to better understand my journey and who I am today.
I married my wonderful husband on September 19, 2009. He truly is the love of my life. We saved ourselves for each other and our first time being intimate was on our wedding night. We just had this gorgeous wedding full of family, friends and love and we were excited to end the evening by consummating our marriage. Sadly, that is not what happened. For almost two years of our marriage we struggled with a condition called Vaginismus. Vaginismus is a condition that causes intercourse to be impossible or extremely painful. Not only did this ruin my self esteem as a wife, but trying to conceive children was out of the question due to this condition. We went to several specialist within our area and nothing worked, but seemed to exasperate the condition. I was frustrated with my body, for not doing what God had intended it to do. Finally, in July of 2011, we found a treatment center in New York that offered a wonderful two week program and I am happy to say we are finally cured!
Six months after we were cured, the recommended wait time per our Vaginismus doctors, we decided to start trying for children. We were ecstatic when I got a positive pregnancy test on our first cycle trying! We were both so happy and finally feeling that our struggle with Vaginismus was worth it. Looking back, we were naive, but quickly told everyone and even announced on facebook when I was just 5 weeks pregnant. A week or two after discovering that I was pregnant, I just felt like something wasn’t right. I was cramping a lot so I called my OB. My first appointment wasn’t until I would be over 10 weeks along, so they went ahead and brought me in for beta blood work. My beta levels were alarming low.
They kept trying to tell me that maybe I wasn’t as far along as I thought, but I knew in my heart that I was most likely going to miscarry. I had an ultrasound shortly after that showed only a 4 week sac, instead of a six week sac that I should have had at that time. I was devastated. For almost two weeks, I endured blood tests and ultrasounds, just waiting for the final outcome. Finally, my body decided to miscarry on its own. Once again, those familiar feelings of frustration returned. Why can’t my body just be normal like everyone else’s? Everyone else seems to have sex and babies like it is no problem, whats wrong with me?
And all I could think about was my precious baby that I had lost. I felt connected to my little one from the moment I saw the positive test. The overwhelming feeling of loss was unbearable at times. Our wonderful Vaginismus doctors gave me a beautiful pin when I miscarried that said ‘Mizpah’ on it, which is Hebrew for ‘watchtower’. I named my precious baby ‘Mizpah’ after the pin and the bible verse in Genesis that states “The Lord will watch over you and me while we are apart”. I can’t wait to see my precious baby in the future, but I know for now Jesus is holding and taking care of him.
But, I slipped into a deep deep depression. I became extremely angry at God. I blocked everyone out and stopped going to church. I lashed out angrily at my husband and my loved ones. And on top of that, we are having health insurance issues and we no longer have maternity coverage, which further pushed back trying for another baby anytime soon.
I also became angry because people I thought would be there for me weren’t at all. Yet, I had people that I barely knew who came over to see me, gave me gifts, and cleaned my house. It truly was a blessing that even though the people I ‘expected’ to be there for me weren’t, God provided unexpected people to care for me.
I am still working through my emotions. I am not quite as angry, and I am slowly realizing that as much as Vaginismus and having a miscarriage are truly traumatizing and awful- the only thing that makes it worth it is knowing that I can help someone else who has endured the same awful nightmare. I think of the verse in 2 Corinthians “He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” With that being said if you are personally struggling with Vaginismus, or the aftermath of a miscarriage, feel free to visit my personal blog at http://waitingwamplers.wordpress.com. My contact information is there and I’d love to talk with you.
All of the above is to say, my husband and I have endured trials and we don’t understand the reason why- but even when I don’t believe it, I have to choose to say and believe that God is still good and He is still God. It’s okay to get angry, it’s okay to question Him- but at the end of the day I must trust Him and realize I cannot change that these things happened to me. I must move forward, as difficult as it is- and simply trust.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Mother's Day & Vacation
This week I have the pleasure of going on vacation for the first time (at least in my adult life) to the mountains in NC!! We plan on hiking through the Smoky Mountains National Park, visiting the Biltmore Estate, and getting lots of relax time!
We had originally planned this vacation for late April, but a w days after our loss, James came Into e room with the sweetest idea! "Why don't we wait and take our vacation over Mother's day weekend so you don't have to be at church?" Have I mentioned how much I love this man??
5 months into our TTC experience, Mother's Day 2010 held so much hope, with not a tiny fragment of disappointment. It hadn't been that long, and many fertile couples try more than 5 months! A year and 5 months into our TTC experience, Mother's Day 2011 was very difficult. Our church does an evening conference on Sundays through May, called "Marriage in May" and on Mother's Day they gave away gift cards to the mothers with the oldest and youngest children. The youngest was less than a week old, the parents were barely legal (or at least they appeared this way to me; they couldn't have been more than 21), and had gotten pregnant just after they got married. Talk about a knife to the heart. I know they didn't take MY baby, but the knife was more that I didn't, and don't, understand why it's so easy for some people to get pregnant and SO difficult for others.
Mother's Day 2012. We have been TTC for almost 2 and a half years. It will be 2 months after I found out about my exciting pregnancy, and almost a month and a half after I found out about our loss. I believe that I definitely fit into the category of "mother", even though my child isn't in my arms. We will have a small celebration on Sunday, most likely a nice dinner. And most of all, I will rejoice that I was able to share the time I had with my sweet Gabriel, and celebrate that he won't suffer the pain of this life.
I have tomorrow's post set to auto-post, but after that I won't be posting until the next Wednesday. It's time for some R&R with my husband and the father of my child.
We had originally planned this vacation for late April, but a w days after our loss, James came Into e room with the sweetest idea! "Why don't we wait and take our vacation over Mother's day weekend so you don't have to be at church?" Have I mentioned how much I love this man??
5 months into our TTC experience, Mother's Day 2010 held so much hope, with not a tiny fragment of disappointment. It hadn't been that long, and many fertile couples try more than 5 months! A year and 5 months into our TTC experience, Mother's Day 2011 was very difficult. Our church does an evening conference on Sundays through May, called "Marriage in May" and on Mother's Day they gave away gift cards to the mothers with the oldest and youngest children. The youngest was less than a week old, the parents were barely legal (or at least they appeared this way to me; they couldn't have been more than 21), and had gotten pregnant just after they got married. Talk about a knife to the heart. I know they didn't take MY baby, but the knife was more that I didn't, and don't, understand why it's so easy for some people to get pregnant and SO difficult for others.
Mother's Day 2012. We have been TTC for almost 2 and a half years. It will be 2 months after I found out about my exciting pregnancy, and almost a month and a half after I found out about our loss. I believe that I definitely fit into the category of "mother", even though my child isn't in my arms. We will have a small celebration on Sunday, most likely a nice dinner. And most of all, I will rejoice that I was able to share the time I had with my sweet Gabriel, and celebrate that he won't suffer the pain of this life.
I have tomorrow's post set to auto-post, but after that I won't be posting until the next Wednesday. It's time for some R&R with my husband and the father of my child.
Friday, May 4, 2012
Friends & Family Friday
Understanding the difference between "fixing" & "listening." I'll warn you, I ended up ranting a little in this post!!
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After a few discussions with some other ladies I know, as well as with my husband, I came to a realization. We don't want you to try and justify or "fix" our situation. Plain and simple. What do I mean by that? Here are a few examples of "fixing" statements.
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"There was obviously something wrong with the baby. You wouldn't want a sick baby, would you?"
First off, there are more things wrong with this statement than trying to "fix" the situation by offering a reason for the loss. It's very very insensitive. I would definitely want a sick baby if it's what God had in store for me. As much as I would be pained to see my child suffer - call me selfish - I'd be able to hold my child, watch him breathe, touch his skin, & see his heart beat. So the fact is now that you have added to my pain by reminding me of what I could be missing out on. When people try to "fix" things, 9 times out of 10 (maybe even more often than that) people end up making things worse.
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"At least you weren't further along."
What people don't seem to understand is that for a couple to have a positive pregnancy test, ESPECIALLY those who have been TTC for a long time, or struggling with IF, there is a deeply seeded emotional attachment from the moment that line turns the faintest bit pink. It doesn't matter if it is a chemical pregnancy (one that is miscarried before a sac has formed), or if it was an infant loss. There is a bond between mother and child. Yes, I know the pain would be even greater if I had been further along, but whatever you do, DON'T diminish my pain, because it's one of the worst emotional pains that a woman deals with in her entire life. No woman should have to mourn the loss of her child.
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Now I'll take a step back from my loss soapbox and look at it from your perspectives. Yes, I can see how you could have the best intentions, and we really appreciate that you want to help. However, I wish you'd step into our shoes, as much as you can, and imagine how that might sound being said to you. Unfortunately, when people try to "fix" things, it makes things worse. We don't want to be fixed right now. We want to mourn the loss of our children in our time. Yes, some people will suffer from great depression, but the best person to help them fix their situation, is them. Take me as an example. I am currently seeking out a therapist for this help. I am going to have the help of someone who is trained in this area, and loves my Jesus. THIS is the person I have chosen to help me "fix" where I am. If I want your help with fixing things, I'll blatantly tell you, no guesswork is needed. :)
For the rest of you, I would just plead with you to listen and express your deepest condolences. There is no greater gift to us than a listening ear and someone to acknowledge the loss of our little ones.
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After a few discussions with some other ladies I know, as well as with my husband, I came to a realization. We don't want you to try and justify or "fix" our situation. Plain and simple. What do I mean by that? Here are a few examples of "fixing" statements.
------------
"There was obviously something wrong with the baby. You wouldn't want a sick baby, would you?"
First off, there are more things wrong with this statement than trying to "fix" the situation by offering a reason for the loss. It's very very insensitive. I would definitely want a sick baby if it's what God had in store for me. As much as I would be pained to see my child suffer - call me selfish - I'd be able to hold my child, watch him breathe, touch his skin, & see his heart beat. So the fact is now that you have added to my pain by reminding me of what I could be missing out on. When people try to "fix" things, 9 times out of 10 (maybe even more often than that) people end up making things worse.
------------
"At least you weren't further along."
What people don't seem to understand is that for a couple to have a positive pregnancy test, ESPECIALLY those who have been TTC for a long time, or struggling with IF, there is a deeply seeded emotional attachment from the moment that line turns the faintest bit pink. It doesn't matter if it is a chemical pregnancy (one that is miscarried before a sac has formed), or if it was an infant loss. There is a bond between mother and child. Yes, I know the pain would be even greater if I had been further along, but whatever you do, DON'T diminish my pain, because it's one of the worst emotional pains that a woman deals with in her entire life. No woman should have to mourn the loss of her child.
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Now I'll take a step back from my loss soapbox and look at it from your perspectives. Yes, I can see how you could have the best intentions, and we really appreciate that you want to help. However, I wish you'd step into our shoes, as much as you can, and imagine how that might sound being said to you. Unfortunately, when people try to "fix" things, it makes things worse. We don't want to be fixed right now. We want to mourn the loss of our children in our time. Yes, some people will suffer from great depression, but the best person to help them fix their situation, is them. Take me as an example. I am currently seeking out a therapist for this help. I am going to have the help of someone who is trained in this area, and loves my Jesus. THIS is the person I have chosen to help me "fix" where I am. If I want your help with fixing things, I'll blatantly tell you, no guesswork is needed. :)
For the rest of you, I would just plead with you to listen and express your deepest condolences. There is no greater gift to us than a listening ear and someone to acknowledge the loss of our little ones.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
A Great Day!!
Today was an absolutely fabulous day!! I got to spend great quality time with my new youth pastor's 8 year old daughter, and then had a great few hours with his wife and 14 year old son! Talk about a fun family!!
I had a realization today as Tammy (the mom) kept saying over and over, "Thank you so much for watching A**!!" that what helped her was also helping me! I got to send time with a wild child, who was VERY much like myself at 8! It was probably more of a blessing to me than it was to Tammy! I love seeing life through such young eyes, where every little thing is a huge treat! Going to a playground, wandering around Target, getting frozen yogurt, and even eating lunch! Who knew life could be so awesome every day?!
Today also made me think about how much it means when people invest in our lives. When we were hanging out, A seemed to hang on my every word, and when I was talking to her mom about maybe helping with math for homeschooling, she yelled from the other end of the house, "PLEASE come help with homeschool!!!" I also remember whenever I was her age and my sister's friends would pay attention to me! It was one of the best feelings ever! So I keep inn mind that she might enjoy my company as much as I enjoy hers. I think we might need to make Sarah & A dates a regular thing!!!!
I wanted to share a quick side note before I sign off. I had a fantastic guest post lined up for yesterday, but the day got away from me!! Look for it next Wednesday!!!
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** - Since my blog is being shared widely on the internet, I will be keeping children's names anonymous for their family's privacy.
I had a realization today as Tammy (the mom) kept saying over and over, "Thank you so much for watching A**!!" that what helped her was also helping me! I got to send time with a wild child, who was VERY much like myself at 8! It was probably more of a blessing to me than it was to Tammy! I love seeing life through such young eyes, where every little thing is a huge treat! Going to a playground, wandering around Target, getting frozen yogurt, and even eating lunch! Who knew life could be so awesome every day?!
Today also made me think about how much it means when people invest in our lives. When we were hanging out, A seemed to hang on my every word, and when I was talking to her mom about maybe helping with math for homeschooling, she yelled from the other end of the house, "PLEASE come help with homeschool!!!" I also remember whenever I was her age and my sister's friends would pay attention to me! It was one of the best feelings ever! So I keep inn mind that she might enjoy my company as much as I enjoy hers. I think we might need to make Sarah & A dates a regular thing!!!!
I wanted to share a quick side note before I sign off. I had a fantastic guest post lined up for yesterday, but the day got away from me!! Look for it next Wednesday!!!
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** - Since my blog is being shared widely on the internet, I will be keeping children's names anonymous for their family's privacy.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
An Update: The Mundane & The Difficult
It has been 4 weeks... 4 weeks since I got the worst news I've had in my life...
So this means that now I am looking for a job! What am I going to do? Well, I am great doing receptionist and administrative assistant work, and a few opportunities are currently available, so I'm waiting to see where God wants me!
Just a side note to my friends. Please don't be offended if I don't open up to you. Talking about how I'm feeling is VERY difficult (it's all I can do to blog!) right now, so please have some grace with me and know its just my current emotions talking. And some times are harder than others (evening is more difficult for me, usually), but I might surprise you and be very open and candid. Just be ready for whatever! Hahaha!
So there you have it! I'm being candid, which is VERY difficult for me right now, but I wanted to keep up the purpose of this blog. I intended it for a way to share my raw feelings (well, somewhat raw), so that no woman struggling after a loss needs to feel alone in her journey!!! Please share my blog with anyone you think may benefit from it!
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If you'd like to share your story of pregnancy loss or infant loss on my blog, please contact me at sarah.myheartsmusings@gmail.com for more information!!
The Mundane:
Well, I've decided to take a step back from photography. Not only is my market completely over-saturated with photographers (great ones and not-so-great ones), but I've been having a hard time getting a leg up in the industry. I feel as if God is trying to tell me to ale a break, that the business will flourish in its time.So this means that now I am looking for a job! What am I going to do? Well, I am great doing receptionist and administrative assistant work, and a few opportunities are currently available, so I'm waiting to see where God wants me!
The Difficult:
After a lot of consideration, I have decided to seek out a therapist. Keeping our private life private, I'll just say that I'm having issues communicating what's emotionally going on wth me right now, not only to others but also to myself. I know it sounds strange, but I'm not even sure what I'm feeling, and when I do know, I don't know WHY I feel that way. After talking this through with James (who is being amazingly gracious and supportive right now!!), we both agreed it would be great for me.Just a side note to my friends. Please don't be offended if I don't open up to you. Talking about how I'm feeling is VERY difficult (it's all I can do to blog!) right now, so please have some grace with me and know its just my current emotions talking. And some times are harder than others (evening is more difficult for me, usually), but I might surprise you and be very open and candid. Just be ready for whatever! Hahaha!
So there you have it! I'm being candid, which is VERY difficult for me right now, but I wanted to keep up the purpose of this blog. I intended it for a way to share my raw feelings (well, somewhat raw), so that no woman struggling after a loss needs to feel alone in her journey!!! Please share my blog with anyone you think may benefit from it!
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If you'd like to share your story of pregnancy loss or infant loss on my blog, please contact me at sarah.myheartsmusings@gmail.com for more information!!
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