After talking with a few women over the past few days, I'm starting to realize how differently grief looks in different people's lives. Some women struggle with not eating, some struggle with eating too much, and then they struggle with weight loss or gain. Some women sit at home in a numb state not really wanting to believe what has happened, while other women bury themselves in work and live in a state of denial. Some struggle with insomnia, and some sleep too much.
Whatever type of loss you have had, grief is an appropriate reaction, and no one can tell you HOW to grieve. Yes, there are dangerous ways of handling your grief, but at some point we all need to find healthy ways to deal with our grief. For me, it's blogging and ministering to women who have already come to me in the past 24 hours since I released my blog and told me their stories and asked for my advice. Yes, I have moments where I sit at home and I'm completely numb. I also have nights where I lay in bed not able to sleep, and not because of active thoughts of grief, I just can't sleep.
So how do you keep yourself from falling into the states of grief that are more detrimental to your health, like weight gain or loss, or severe depression from bottling up your grief?
For the food issues, you have to get to a point where you realize that no food you eat or avoid is going to satisfy that void. You lost your child; binging and starvation won't bring him or her back to you, they'll just add to your depression when you look in the mirror, and you'll go back to eating because you don't like how you look. Trust me, the food ones are very tough, and require a huge amount of self control. Try asking someone to be an accountability partner with you, someone who won't pester you about it, but will lovingly ask you about it with your health their #1 priority.
For people that tend to be bottlers *I'm raising my hand here too*, you have to realize that the people around you aren't going to judge you for your pain. Bottling your pain will only lead to an explosion later in life when that bottle has been filled beyond capacity. I've experienced that as the bottler, as well as the onlooker. It's not a pretty thing, and very painful to experience for all parties involved. I would really encourage you to talk your spouse and tell them what's going on. 9 times out of 10 you will find a very supportive person who will listen to you, hold you while you cry, and wipe the tears from your eyes.
The root issue with bottling is denial. To cease bottling, you have to admit to yourself that you had a baby, he or she was taken from you, and you won't be with them again until heaven. That's a really hard pill to swallow, but if there's one thing I can say to you all (from the fresh perspective of a miscarriage myself, so it comes with love), it's that our children won't have to suffer the pain of this world. They won't know the hurt that we are living in, day in and day out. For me, I find peace in this.
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I love that this blog is reaching so many already! Please, share your stories with me so that I can create guest posts with them! I want this to be about a community! To share your story, email it to me at sarah.myheartsmusings@gmail.com
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