Well, I guess I'm posting a second post today. The book review was great and all, but after spending a little bit of time on facebook, I had to go ahead and write this since I'm determined for this blog to be a REAL representation of me and my experience right now.
As most of you probably know by now, I love photography, and I'm a photographer. I was looking through pictures by one business, and so far looking at pictures of babies and children hasn't affected me at all. Until today. I was scrolling through pictures, and there was a diptic (two pictures together, like a collage) of an older boy, probably 12, with his head thrown back in laughter.
This is a moment I will never be able to share with Gabriel. I will never be able to argue with him over his skater-boy hair that I insist is too long. I will never be able to take him to the movie theater so he can hang out with his friends. I'll never see him be the big protective brother to his little siblings.
Today is a hard day.
Sweetie, in the spring of '84 I miscarried at eleven weeks. Driving home following the visit to my ob after being told there was no heartbeat, I wept and cried out to God for the strength and grace to survive the ache, both in my heart and in my arms. And He spoke tenderly to my soul to know that one day He will reunite us and to know that not only did He know the number of days He had planned for that baby, but He also had a plan for that short but precious life. It is difficult to describe the overwhelming sense of honor and thanksgiving that I experienced at that moment. To be included in His plan for Him glorified! Amazing! I know that He is giving you the strength and grace to see your loss as an opportunity to glorify Him also! And you are! And you are being His arms and voice of comfort and encouragement to others. I love you, Angel Girl!
ReplyDeleteBtw: my ob doctor ended up asking Christ into His life! And God blessed us with Seth one year later! <3
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