You would think that in 2012, in a culture full of pornography, violence, and fashion shows with plastic models in lingerie and giant wings, that we would have no qualms about talking about our personal lives. Somehow miscarriages, stillbirths, and infant loss have made it on the "don't tell anyone, you're the only one with this problem" list.
Well, news flash people, it's VERY common! Some statistics state that one in every four women will experience a miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss at some point in her life. Others say that one in every three pregnancies will end in a miscarriage. These aren't good odds, but more importantly, the odds of it happening are very HIGH!
I'm not trying to scare anyone into worrying about their pregnancies, but I can't help but feel like the world would be a better place if couples were more open and honest about their losses. I am in an online support group and some of the women haven't told anyone but the baby's father. To me, that would be the most painful and depressing way to have to deal with the grief. We share our grief when relatives die, so why not our own children?
The issue here isn't our bodies, it isn't what people would think of us; the issue is that your child is no longer living, and you need to grieve!! However best serves you, do it! If you feel like being open and honest like me, knowing that NO ONE will judge you, then do it!! I'll post a link on my resources to your blog if you want! Yes, I understand people handle grief differently, but no one should have to suffer silently for fear that people will judge them or say the wrong things... Yes people will say the wrong things, and then you can educate them on how to handle future situations! Please, help me educate the world!!
Hi Sarah! I'm a friend of Jenny's and she linked this blog to us, knowing that several of us had suffered through a miscarriage. First of all, let me give you a hug. Miscarriage sucks plain and simple and I wish that neither of us had to experience it.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a blogger, but like you, I've chosen to be open with people about what's happened and what my husband and I are going through. I've found so much comfort in that both in realizing just how many of my friends and co-workers have also suffered through a miscarriage and in just making sure people understand if I go from cheerful to crying in the blink of an eye.
I've found it does help keep many insensitive (but unknowing) questions at bay by being honest. I don't pretend that everyone is perfect with their words and that sometimes those words still hurt, but I also know that the words are coming from someone who cares about me and wants to make things better some way, somehow.
I don't get the concept of hiding it... it's a huge thing in my life. I lost my child! My first child! How can I not talk about that? How can I basically pretend it didn't happen?
Anyway... I'm bookmarking and will be following your journey. I'll be praying for you to get your rainbow baby very soon!
Hey Sarah,
ReplyDeleteAs you already know, I chose the secrecy route with my miscarriage. The reason I did this was because I couldn't deal with people approaching me about it. " are you sure you were even pregnant?", "you are so young anyway. It's for the best." (i was 21 and a newlywed), and my favorite from my doctor, " you were only a little pregnant". These were just comments from nurses, a doctor, and some people i worked with (they figured out I was pregnant from all the puking). I didn't want my whole family and Facebook nation to know because sometimes people are mean to people who miscarry. I wanted prayer and support but I also wanted to grieve in peace. My husband prayed with and for me and was a huge system of support. I'm still mostly quiet about it, but I do speak to those who are in need of support.
- Mandy
Hi Sarah!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your story. My heart is grieving with yours and I will be praying for you in the days, weeks and months to come. Your mom may have told you, but Woody and I have had four miscarriages, with the most recent one being just a year ago, although sometimes it seems like it was just yesterday. Each one has been the hardest thing I have ever gone through and with each one, the Lord has drawn me closer to Him and also to Woody. We are going to have quite the reunion with our little ones one day in heaven! I have blogged about the last two, I'm not sure that blogging was around with the first two. The most recent post on the miscarriages, if you want to read, was called "taking joy" posted on January 25, 2012. With each of them, I have tried to be open and honest, and Lord willing, have been able to minister to other women, as you are doing here. I am so encouraged by your strength and compassion to help others. May God be your strength and your shield through all of this. (Psalm 28:7) We're praying for you and James! Love, Dana